Timeline or a score card of bad behavior
Getting in touch with your anger is critical to recovery. Guilt is vague and inactive and tends to paralyze. It is the opposite of anger — and in reality, you are really very angry. You may be angry about old issues from your childhood. Anger will demand a response. Anger will make you active.
They may put up with abusive relationships or relationships that are not fulfilling because any warm body beats (gasp) no warm body. Being alone is perceived as scary, empty, depressing, etc. After all, who will deliver their emotional supplies? Who will distract them so there is no time to deal with their inner life? Even an abusive relationship is better than no relationship.
An unfortunate side effect of the codependent person’s willingness to ignore, excuse, or otherwise allow the partner’s abuse or disrespect, enables the misbehavior directed at them to continue and intensify. Implicit or explicit permission to continue misbehaving is granted since the codependent partner “understands.”
But when people are ready to make a change, they can often be trapped not just by their love for their hurtful partner, but by fear. Ending major relationships means big changes, changes in where and how we live, what we own, how much money we have, whether we’re alone or not. Its natural to be afraid. Its sometimes like leaping off a cliff in the dark.
